This Time Around

It’s harder to write this time.

Great news, for sure.  But there’s more to it this time around.

Because I’m grateful, and I’m scared.  I’m filled with anticipation about the future, and I’m still sad about the past.  I am amazed at God’s goodness, and I wonder why God gave this to us, again, this soon, but didn’t do it for my friends.  Friends I have prayed for, literally, for years.  I’d wait longer if it could happen for them first.

And I want to control what you think of the news.

Too soon to try again?  Too soon to tell the world?

I want you to think what Curtis and I think on this one.

That waiting longer to try again would not necessarily lessen the fears for that second try.  That we can grieve Kate and Lucy while learning to love and hope and pray for a future child.  We know that the latter does not fix or replace losing the former.  We also know that the pain of losing the girls does not keep us from knowing joy and celebration again.

Most of all, we know that we are wired to do life in community.  So if we lose this child too, you will be there, just like you have been these past few months.  And we will mourn together.  It’s early, just 6 and half weeks, and that might happen.

Or it might not.  And I will not let the fear win.  Now is the time to rejoice.  And you know I’m all about jumbling rejoicing and mourning together if it bring our lives into more authentic community.

God is being very kind to us.  We are expecting a child, due December 20, 2012.

The last in a series of photos we showed to close out my dad's retirement weekend. With such a big event on their minds, it was easy to pull off the surprise for my parents.

10 thoughts on “This Time Around

  1. Grateful to be in community with you. And, as always, praying God’s grace and peace on you! May this one stick! And may you be blessed with great joy, surprises, and laughter in the upcoming months, and years ahead!
    Our love and prayers! Dan & Sharon

  2. It’s okay to have all those emotions you’re having…it’s okay to grieve while being hopeful. It’s okay to be sad while looking forward with optimism. And scared, well, it just comes with the territory. Praying for a very uncomplicated pregnancy season for you both. I have to say though, that in the midst of all the bittersweet that was going on this weekend at Hillside, both of you and your great news was icing on cake.

  3. I am so excited for you both! I know this will be quite a journey, but God is faithful! Praying!!!

  4. How could it be to soon if this is God’s time?

    Rejoicing with you, Curtis and the “Grandparents”. You brought so many of us to tears with the announcement of your good news, so glad I was here to experience it!

  5. Rejoicing started in Charlotte, can you hear us? Can’t be happier for you and C. Love You..

  6. Congratulations Meredith – so exciting! I’ll be praying for a safe, healthy, and full-term pregnancy and for peace and joy no matter the circumstances!

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