Mother’s Day, that Hallmark induced yet still significant holiday is upcoming, looming really. It was going to be bittersweet already, loaded with what should have been, even as my mom and I spent the Saturday of the weekeend together.
But now there’s a new life on the way, a new layer to the mom thing for me. Monday, at the doctor, I saw the heartbeat. This baby the size of a blueberry is very real, very alive, and mine.
I wrote the following back on 4/17, before I found out I was pregnant, while I was trying to sort out what I anticipated ahead of time so as to minimize being blindsided day of. Now, I once again don’t know what to expect, but in the meantime…
Dear Mommas in Waiting,
Today kinda sucks, doesn’t it?
No matter how wonderful celebrating other mothers may be, if you’re like me you just can’t shake that you deserve this day too. But no one knows, they don’t think you count, or else they just forgot.
They’d never say that, not out loud, but you know that if there’s a motherhood club, your membership card notes some sort of exception. You’re not full status.
You may be a momma in waiting because, try as you might, that forming life just doesn’t seem to be able to make it to completion. And maybe once, maybe several times, your body has betrayed you and let that baby go.
And you might feel, in turn, like you betrayed your baby, because all a momma wants to do is keep her kid safe.
You may be a momma in waiting because an adoption is in the works, but moving slower than molasses. You know your child is out there, and you are just waiting for them to come home forever. In the mean time, there is a hole, in your family, your house, your heart.
You may be a momma in waiting because your child has died, and you count every second until heaven comes. And it doesn’t matter if there are also other living children in your life. You are celebrating them, but you are in waiting.
Or perhaps you are in waiting not just for momma-dom, but for a husband to share your life with and start your family with in the first place. Forget kiddos, you’ve got a bunch of steps to complete first, making it feel so very far away. Worse, what if it never happens?
Dear mommas in waiting, whatever has put you in this season, you are not forgotten. You count.
And you still mother, in countless ways big and small. Mothering is an action, done not only for our babies, but for our friends, and neighbors and even strangers at times.
I wish you well this Mother’s Day. From the bottom of my heart.