Your Sisters’ Birthday

I suppose the first post about our new baby should be full of happiness.  It will be.  This is not about him.  Something else happened to come first.

Dear Riley,

Just shy of a year ago, in the grey days when all we could do was sit or walk slowly around the block, your daddy and I were walking on the big field by the house when he said,

“What’s weird is that right now, we can’t imagine our lives with them gone.  But someday we might have other children, and we’ll think, ‘We could never imagine our lives without them.’  But we never would have had those children if we hadn’t lost the girls.”

At the time, it boggled our minds, the idea of any children other than the two we’d just lost.  But time, prayer, our community, God’s love converged and our hearts opened up– just a crack –to the idea of another child.

You are that child.  You never would have existed if your sisters had lived.  But here you are, and I cannot imagine life without you.

Riley

Sometimes, when I was pregnant with you, I’d talk to you in the car, telling you things about our life or family.  We’d talk about your sisters sometimes, already with Jesus, whatever that means.  I think it means that he holds their lives, albeit short, and will by grace resurrect them someday.

Yesterday was their birthday.  It’s been one year, and when I think of them, there is a physical ache in my gut over how much I miss them.  But in spite of that, you, dear child, have blown my heart wide open.  There is room for all of you.

LK

My friend Jenna made these for us. She has a lovely Etsy store called Bragging Writes. She’ll be creating a new one for Riley now.

5 thoughts on “Your Sisters’ Birthday

  1. Pingback: Two Year Blog-iversary | Meredith Miller

  2. Your friend Jenna’s tribute to the girls is lovely. And I can completely appreciate your feelings about their loss and the whole different life that you will be experiencing with Riley. I so identify with trying to mentally wrap your mind around what could have been but what is now. If a child (or children) born before would have lived, how the one (or ones) that are here would have never been. It gives me solace and peace and anguish at times, all rolled into one. I just have to trust that our almighty God knows what He is doing and trust that what has happened before was His plan, not ours, that there was a divine reason for all of it but here on earth we will never understand what that plan is. I am overjoyed for you and your beautiful new son. May God’s blessings be on all of you, and enjoy every moment~

    Ami Davis

  3. An amazing tribute to honor your girls and Riley! He is, well, perfect! And soooo cute. it seems January will be a dichotomy of emotions for you, immense grief and immense joy!

  4. Kate and Lucy were in my thoughts yesterday, as well as you and Curtis and baby Riley. I hope that the day was gentle for you and filled with love and peace. Congratulations on the arrival of Riley, he has been much anticipated and prayed over. He is beautiful!

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