This month I’m linking up with Kate for 31 days of 5 minute free writes. She provides a one-word prompt, I check the clock and type until time is up. Then I publish. The view in the mirror has been changing the past few weeks. The third time around, the lower half of my tummy starts sticking out long before it ought to, given that the child inside of it is the size of a prune, or whatever fruit that website tells me.
Now that I am telling people, I find myself wishing instead to tell them how I want them to respond. Not the news, I want to tell them how to react to the news.
I want to tell them that I am not excited, and it is not fair for anyone to ask me to be excited. I want to tell them that I am hopeful and grateful. I want to tell them that being pregnant with another baby makes me miss Kate and Lucy like crazy. I want them to acknowledge that this is my fourth, not my second.
I want them to understand that good news can still tap into deep grief.